Future Prospects

This is what keeps me up at night, since May of this year.

I graduated from college with a Bachelor’s in PR in May. My family came to watch me walk across the stage and we celebrated afterwards. That was a happy day for me, but in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but feel sadness and dread.

My senior year ended on a hopeful but despair-filled note. I had just completed the internship required for me to graduate my very last semester. I had no job waiting for me after the ceremony. No idea if I’m entering the work force or having a small break before plowing into grad school. I had no idea what I was going to do next.

So I moved back home and spent the Spring and Summer hunting for jobs. Five days a week I would apply for jobs in the school district, fast food, customer service, etc. My mother would encourage me with “there’s something out there” and to keep applying. I’d reluctantly agree knowing that I have 30+ rejection emails from the jobs she told me to apply for.

I had an inconsistent sleep schedule. There were days where I didn’t have the motivation to apply for jobs. I longed to go out with friends, but they were an hour away in school and/or working. I felt isolated and unsure of what to do with my life. And I still do.

Eventually I got a job at an amusement park, and the next step is to look for yet another job because this one is not supposed to be a permanent gig.

I’m reluctant to say that I have depression, but I am sure I’m suffering from post-graduation blues.

“Post-graduation depression,” is a word that “describe[s] the extreme sadness and impaired functioning that recent grads report after they leave behind the world they created in college,” according to Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez of The Washington Post.

Common signs are “an abnormally negative perspective, decreased motivation to get out of bed, a general sense of hopelessness and, occasionally, substance abuse,” as reported by Meadows-Fernandez. I fit the profile minus the substance abuse (unless emotional eating counts then, yes, a little).

In a HerCampus article “5 Signs You’re Experiencing Post-Grad Depression,” Mara Hyman also breaks down common signs of post-graduation depression: feelings of disorganization, diminished motivation, excessive time on social media, desperation for a support system, and feeling life is at a standstill.

I feel all of these things. Not being in college reminded me how disorganized I actually am, not that I was organized during college. It takes me more effort to get out of bed in the mornings. I lack the motivation to search for jobs. I go on social media platforms longer than what’s healthy. My mother, one of the supportive adult figures in my life, doesn’t always make me feel supported for not having a job despite having a degree and intern experience. And yes, life feels like it’s at a standstill.

I’m aware that my situation can turn itself around with effort on my part. My feelings of loneliness, hopelessness and lack of motivation would subside if I got a job, cultivated a social life in my hometown and integrated the support system I took for granted in college, but it’s proven to be hard.

There’s no sympathy I want to gain from saying, “Ugh, I’m a millennial/gen z with a college degree and I can’t get a job!” But it is cathartic to put the loneliness and loss of motivation I’ve been feeling for months into words.

That’s all for now, Good night!