1 Year on this Blog

It’s been a while since I last posted.

But I am here to celebrate the fact that a year ago, I created this blog Keeps Me Up At Night at the height of my post-college unemployed/job hunting phase.

The reason I started this blog is to create a space to coherently write about things I overthink about late at night.

Let’s reflect on the first year of my own blog. (And the 171+ days since I last posted).

So when I first posted on KMUAN I stated that this is place where I combine my two talents of overthinking and writing to dissect things that keep me awake at night.

At first it was about not knowing my sexuality, why I had a hard time finding work after college, the loneliness moving back into my parents’ home after 4 years of semi-independence and the emotional effects of it.

Sexuality

It’s been a year and I’m both sure and unsure about my sexuality. Still can’t pick a label that fits me. That’s fine because it takes people years to understand their identity. There’s no time limit to figuring yourself out. Agonizing over it has not led me any closer to the true mystery of the universe.

But it did lead me to great LGBTQ+ shows, films, websites, social media, YouTubers and people. And having a queer presence both online and IRL has made life more wonderful.

Employment

I did find a job. At an amusement park and later at a grocery store. Part of the feelings of failure and loneliness were alleviated when I had to get up and go. And it felt good to be productive and have something mundane and repetitive like scanning tickets and groceries.

But it was also undermined by a parent, because it’s great to have a job but working at a grocery store can’t be the final stop. It feels like an insult to those months of applying, rejection, and crying , but I get that you need to be on a journey somewhere and this shouldn’t be permanent for a 23-year-old.

Grad School?

There were two good attempts to take the GRE, but due to Covid I didn’t feel safe traveling to take an exam on a computer and when we did the car broke down. I interpret this as the universe saying to stop trying it this way.

I think it’s good that I’ve gone a year without studying. I spent most of my life in school. It was weird not be a student but also liberating. So I until I’m adamant that going back to school is what’s best, the exam is postponed but still a possibility.

171 + Days of Nothing™ 

The way my life shifted in response to Covid-19 could be it’s own blog post. But in short terms, I worked through the winter and once the park closed had to find work elsewhere. And I found it alright. Right before the Covid-19 cases started popping up in the States.

Because of that I just haven’t done too much outside of work, sleep, eat, and use what little time I had to watch videos and scroll through Twitter.

The Future…

I had higher hopes for the blog when I started. This was supposed to be more of a place I could post about what’s happening in media entertainment, politics, or whatever was on my mind. This was supposed to be a late-night ranting territory.

And I managed to do that where I could. But it became a place could wallow and feel shocked about what went wrong once I had that degree in my hands. The latter was probably what I needed most.

Good news is, I am switching KMUAN into a late-night ranting territory. I am no longer complaining about where I ended up/how I got here, and using it to my benefit.

With that being said, you still might not here from me much. I may not always have the energy to type it out but there are a crap-ton of things still on my mind, late at night.

If anything I hope I can bring you comfort of knowing it’s okay to not have it all together and figured out. Especially during a global pandemic. It’s the journey that counts. And if this shit was all easy, life would be pretty boring.

And on that note, I wish you a safe late night. ✌️