Nightly Write #2

It’s funny how I’ve kept a journal since I was in first grade. And yet oversharing on the internet has helped me create more concise thoughts than journaling in private has in the past few years.

Lately I’ve been trying to understand what’s contributing to my agitation with work.

Besides the obvious: waking up at 6 a.m. and cleaning carts in a lobby for roughly 6-7 hours a day including breaks/meals.

And the chaos of having to clean carts, while gathering carts people are leaving carts in the middle of the lobby, while helping people who have trouble pulling a cart out, while assuring people that the carts I just cleaned are clean, while greeting everyone who enters/exits the store itself.

It’s not in good taste to complain about your job, especially on the internet. The job itself isn’t too bad if the latter is what it entails.

What gets to me is the expectation of being engaging and friendly while doing all I mentioned in that run-on sentence.

It took a long time but I was told to smile a few days ago even though I wear a mask at work. And this morning a person attempted to cheer me up because I appeared to not happy to be at work. When I tried to simply say it is what it is by shrugging to feign lightheartedness, I got met with an attitude and just didn’t have the tact to properly respond in the moment and rolled my eyes. I had to time stepping outside to get carts to avoid the customer when they left the store to keep my sanity.

It was literally too early for me to be this agitated. But why?

Some people do thank you for doing it, but it’s kind of relentless especially during the busiest store hours. Multiple people need your attention towards them at once. There’s mostly random patches of time when the lobby is calm enough to just stand there and breathe. It’s a revolving door of people, carts, and baskets.

It’s a little embarrassing because I experience that but notice other co-workers seem to handle the same position pretty well. Also, that I’m physically tired from it all. Once I get home, instead of doing what I like I just lay there.

The tl;dr for it all is this position is a little exhausting, people expect me to be engaging on top of it, and when it comes to brief, awkward brushes with customers I don’t always have the coolness and emotional intelligence to respond in the best way.

That being said I’m trying to look for ways to deal with it better. More naps, stretching, more water. But also I really wanna research the psychology/emotional intelligence side to it in the future.

Anyways remember to prioritize your health and well-being. Remember everyone’s doing their best even if it doesn’t appear to be, especially during a pandemic. Stay safe and good night.