Based on a daytime rumination.
The 14th was my day off. And I took this opportunity to splurge for stuff I half-need, half-want just to leave the house. And it got me thinking…
When am I going to realize buying material items isn’t going to feed the hunger rumbling in my proverbial belly?
One of the things I really miss is visiting Books-A-Million back in 2019, when I got tired of jobless at home. I’d visit to feel like a consuming member of society again and to search for some book in personal growth or the new age section that’ll give me that lil hint into whatever I’m looking for.
Thing is, I didn’t visit BAM, because it wasn’t open yet. And I didn’t want to stay out for no reasons other than to wander a bookstore during a pandemic.
Instead I got a McGriddle & visited Michael’s Arts & Crafts to find spooky szn decorations. I’m trying to get in the holiday spirit. I’ve got nothing else going for me lol. Halloween gets me excited, even more since 2019 because it cheered me up the most.
It’s a common thing that some people who feel down seek shopping to boost their mood. You feel this pleasant high with finding something in a store that you just love, bringing it home… and realizing this was a trash transaction.
And in addition to buyer’s remorse, you still feel a little empty. I’m only 23 and I know that buying something I like or even wanted for a long time doesn’t fill the unidentifiable lack I feel. If I can’t be a mindless consumer without being existential, then how can I be normal??
But I did not feel that much remorse. I bought a crap ton of autumn leaves and a few flowers to hot glue a garland for Halloween. Other than that I just wanted to overshare.
As for that void, I’m not sure what it is, but hopefully I’ll be able to identify what it is.
Also I was supposed to post this on the 14th but I still wanted to rant tonight sooo …. here’s a link.
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