Nightly Write #7

A while back I came across this Tumblr post on my Dashboard that spoke to me and articulated a piece of wisdom I’ve been wanting to hear lately.

Although it’s actually unprofessional, there are moments where my patience wears thin. That’s natural given because everyone is under some form(s) of stress, grief, dread, etc. due to COVID-19’s impact on the world. Everyone is going through something, but that isn’t what you’d typically excuse in a customer service.

So even though I’m at my limit at times, I struggle with guilt of not holding onto my calmness longer. And this Tumblr piece, kind of affirms that feeling:

Regardless of the fact that I wake up, pep-talk myself into my uniform and drive to the store where I work, it gets the best of me. And I don’t like that it happens. I can’t apologize to a stranger who walks into that store; and it may have been the last time because of me. It’s embarrassing and it makes me feel guilty.

All I can do is accept that it happens and hope for the best tomorrow. I hate that about being an adult. Older adults tell me that my twenties/younger years are the best time to experiment and make mistakes. However, it rarely feels like that notion is true.

My experience as an adult is turning 18 and being expected to know how to do everything like a newborn fawn who just gets up and walks. I don’t know what I don’t know, and I don’t know the best response to every situation I’ve encountered.

So all I can do is expect life to test me, try me first and then tell me what the lesson. And that’s rough, but that’s life I guess.

Practice self-forgiveness. Do your best in every moment, even if in that moment your best is pitiful. Also practice not taking it personally. Everyone’s got some shit going on, and we don’t know what happens to people before and after we meet them. I remind myself this every time I work.

Please stay safe and healthy out there. Don’t stay up too late. Get some rest.