Nightly Write #9

First post of 2021!

The first month is ending tonight. And it’s kind of shocking that 2020 is over. The longest, yet fastest moving year I’ve experienced. I swear it was FebruarchAprilMay June, July, AuguSeptOctobervember, December, more or less.

Anyway, I had a fairly quiet weekend, since I don’t work during them anymore. The most adventure I had was riding with my father to pick up takeout at a sub shop. I didn’t even leave the car. And my sister was home to watch an online k-pop concert with me.

For the past 48 hours I’ve had difficulty biding my time in a meaningful. I started painting a page in my sketchbook but felt there was nothing more I could add at the time. I’ve got three books I’m currently reading; one is easy to finish and yet I can’t read for very long. For someone who fantasizes about what enjoyable things she’d do if she didn’t have to be at work now, I’m pretty bummed out about having 48 hours to do that.

One phrase I can use to explain what I’m feeling is that “I’m searching.”

I’m constantly searching through the YouTube Home page for something interesting to watch. I’m scrolling on Twitter for some tweet that I’d find appealing. I’m typing any combination of words I can think of into the search bar of Tumblr.

What I could be looking for is fufillment. Life became kind of confined to work and being at home not working so I had moments where it was hard to do something enjoyable or rest.

… to fill our lives with as many life-giving compulsions as possible. This means we create. This means we commune. This means, quite simply, whatever it means for you.

“The Philosophy of Fufillment” from The Philosophy of Everything

Based on this post it means I’m trying to realize life-giving compulsions and I have a small idea about what one of these could be. I like to sew and I like to watch others sew (check out the YouTubers on Historical Costuming side of the platform. Like Angela Clayton or Bernadette Banner, Cathy Hay, etc). I like philosophy, history and some sociology. So it’d be fufilling if my life allowed me entertaine these compulsions.

However, this same post warned that fufillment is not this destination end where every moment of our lives will be blissful. It won’t be the perfect job, home, family, relationship, etc. And it’s not without conflict per say. But the point is not just think on what could fufill you, but to do it. This is a step I’ve had a hard time achieving since graduating college and then the pandemic.

I admit the latter made living life safely a little interesting. Doing this and achieving fufillment will require creativity and persistence, but despite potential setbacks, mistakes and conflict, it’ll be worth it. So choose your moments for fufillment.

Don’t stay up too late, like I am.

Good night.